Categorized | Funny

Alien race contact woman with advice for Wenger

I’m not entirely sure if it’s a slow news day or if this story was just too bizarre to let slide but seeing as it has not yet been picked up by the tabloids but is running in the Swedish press, I thought I’d bring it to you here. It originally appeared in News Shopper.

Stephaney Cohen, a 52 year old former police officer from Bromley, has claimed that an alien race has contacted her with advice to be passed on to Arsene Wenger.

Now, leaving aside the obvious question of why the aliens didn’t just go directly to Wenger themselves, Cohen said the aliens told her that in order for Arsenal to start winning again he needed to undertake a

“The Grays offer guidance to Mr Wenger.

“At the moment they are telling him he needs to get rid of a whole lot of people and bring in a stronger squad – especially in the defence.

“He also needs to let assistant manager Steve Bould do his job.

“Mr Wenger likes to do everything but he is not good at everything.”

The aliens, who Cohen said are the Gray people from the Canis Major Galaxy, some 25,000 light years away from earth, clearly read the same blogs and papers as the rest of us it seems.

Stephany Cohen who also claims the aliens give her orgasms.

Stephany Cohen who also claims the aliens give her orgasms.

The Canis Major Dwarf Galaxy [insert your own joke about Arsenal’s midfielders/dwarves] contains a high percentage of red giant stars. Clearly because of all the Arsenal-supporting aliens.

Obviously.

 

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